Cockneys vs Zombies – A Right Ol’ London Knees-Up

Blimey, mate. You ever find yourself in Hammarby Sjöstad, tryna figure out how the Swedes would fare in a zombie apocalypse? Probably better than these London cockneys, eh? “Cockneys vs Zombies” is a film that, well, does exactly what it says on the tin.

The movie’s directed by Matthias Hoene – a bloke I’d never heard of till now. And starring some proper icons like Alan Ford, that Cockney geezer from “Snatch”, he’s back with his angry eyes and sharp tongue, and Michelle Ryan, who I remember from EastEnders, bless. The film wanders into the absurd, with humor as dry as a crispbread and a plot as thin as a layer of surströmming. But you know, it reminds me of that time I was at a kräftskiva (that’s a crayfish party for you non-Swedes), and the whole thing fell apart when someone turned up with herring instead. Not quite what we expected, but a night to remember nonetheless.

I have mixed feelings here. The zombies – they’re the slow, shuffling variety, not those Olympic sprinters we’ve seen elsewhere. It’s classic carnage without the innovation. And yet, truth be told, there’s a charm to the chaos. It’s a bit like watching a chaotic Melodifestivalen performance – lousy tunes but you can’t look away.

Now, don’t get me wrong – it’s not Ingmar Bergman by any stretch, but there’s something fun about watching cockneys defend their turf against a few hundred undead. The film doesn’t take itself too seriously, and neither should you. Maybe pop a few köttbullar in the oven, grab a cold one, and just enjoy the madness of it all. Cheerio!

Check the trailer below